hello

Hi!

It's been a year! I've been venting my emotions to Fa mostly in 2019, and my other written diaries (yeah you read it right. I have no idea why i have several diaries in a year hmm) Oh let me list out what I've been doing this past year since tomorrow will be a new year 2020. uuuu

Jan 2019: Hospital attachment 
- scared as hell when they said ipd sat 5 is the scariest place for prp. but well, alhamdulillah i adjusted well thanks to my fellow prp friends

Feb 2019: Clinical attachment
- went to MAPS (a theme park in Perak) for free. Tickets were given by Ayah Anjang.
- as i arrived there, i got a text from clinical pharmacist (rumor said she's nice, so i'm relieved to get her as my preceptor) said that i/m not in her ward for the next four weeks. WTH. then which ward I'll be assigned to? En Fakar's (clinical ward) and Miss Pei Xing's (geriatric ward). Informed Kok Hou abt the news, guess what he scared me the most, he said miss pei xing is the one all prp wanted to avoid the most. I cried.
- En fakar's ward attachment went smooth because he let me do my own work and did not ask me questions unless i asked him first. But miss pei xing's ward was the opposite. she asked me tons of questions. freaking scary. but i learned a lot from her. she's nice walaupun ada lah kena marah sekali dua lolz.

Mar 2019: Back to IPD and galenical attachment
- i've gain experiences during the past months and i've been acknowledge by the garang PFs there. huhuhu such an accomplishment
- an ex TGB guy tried to ask me to watch movie together padahal he's in KL and i'm at Melaka. well i know that was a move. But I just act clueless. gittew. I've opened up a bit, I get to know him first but as I know him more, he's the one who always said bad words and tweet explicit things. a big no no. and rejected his offer to watch movie.

Apr 2019: went back to KKAK
- after so long i've went back to my original facility, but then miss shiyu asked which one better? hosp or clinic? frankly the people are nicer in hosp, but the workload and environment i'll just say no thanks. i'd enough. tiber. but in clinic, the workload and environment is better but the people, making things harder. huhu. and she agreed hhaha.
- went to aifaa's fashion show. oh girl you really make us proud back then. so inlove with you again and again

May 2019: Puasa
- can't recall anything memorable. but it's when family mart finally open in Melaka, so after break fasting we went to Jonker walk to taste the udon the hyped about. i'm a first timer. My goodness, I know it's the grand opening but chinese peopleeeeeeee you guys don't even fast... why are you lining up as well. the line was freaking long haih. we went back after midnight i think. uhuhu

June 2019: Raya
- i tried wearing contact lens. oh my it was a hell ride. hurt my eyes so bad. so i just wore them during first raya hahaha. Thanks to them i look pretty decent in photos cehh. hahaha. It was a fun raya to be honest. we have addition of two ipars and we raya harmoniously gittew.
- oh not to forget i worked the second raya guys. I worked. but half day only lah. miss hiyu insit. i love her. hahaha
- when hakim wore cast on his arm because we went raya until midnight and accident near jpj bukit katil. his wrist twisted and till now it wasn't in the normal position.
- went to penang for mira armir's wedding tapi the real reason is to hilday and visit fatin!i went there with aifaa and nadiah and we have tremendous fun. and can you imagine, we were tired sightseeing in the morning, then we decided to watchtoy story 4 later at midnight, and guess what four of us fell asleep during the movie. each one of us awake at certain parts of movie then explained to each other the plot hahaha. but nadiah slept very soundly from the adv before the movie until the credits roll. haihh haha

July 2019: logbook
- the month that i anxious about cause the next month i need to send logbook already.
- lukman belanja us frps and im the only prp at the time, tony romas. maigod he gave us rm1000 to eat guys! and he expected us to finish the money and he schocked that we pulang the baki to him! Ya Allah it was a very fancy place to eat. But less to my liking even it serves only meat the food i love most but it was just too fancy, i cannot. ahhahaha. but alhamdulillah for the lifetuime experience.
-rachel got posted to sabah :( but the fun syaf get to stay with us hehehe

Aug 2019: FRP ehem
- i've got my license already!
- raya haji. then we went to a hotel in seremban which located at awalking distance form aeon seremban. enjoyed 'walking" haha

Sept 2019: Birthday month
- joined X break. maigod we have to practice almost everyday and i was criticized for being to stiff despite being the youngest in the group? I just don't want to join. I was forced to do so :( but the good side i get to know more of KKak staff's
- pharmrun in banda hilir. It was good to see familiar faces from hospital during the run. eventhough i just the lines man hehehehehe
- got birthday cake from  my family. awhhh, after so many years we don't properly celebrate any birthday events this year was just ahh full of blessings. maybe we all stay in one roof after so many years living apart form each other.

Oct 2019: Korea
- I was persuaded by these fav bunch of people to go holiday to korea with them. hesitated at first but i was not regret of my decision. love love love the trip so much, we got to do so many things. cheers to them for revisiting some places they've visited before just to show me part of korea that i have to experience <3 p="">- was able to join random gangnam concert festival and get to see latest korean kpop idols hehehehehehehehehehehe padahal duduk jauh nun di belakang but we've enjoy every little bits

Nov 2019: Rejected
- i spent a night at eza's rental house in cyberjaya. so excited in case dapat terserempak dengan crush since he stay there as well.
- the next day met up with lace street girls. ohmai nak catch up gossip haihhh tak cukup masa. Nadiah and shasha finally got someone special in their life. me and minie being the diva just loved ourselves a bit too much cehh. tipu sangat. then later in the gossip i was told to end my crush already cause it has been so long and maybe that was why im unable to find someone. alasan kan.
- so that night, i confessed to my crush and.............. as mentioned, i got rejected. but he replied my name withe correct spelling which rage me more! and guess what's his partener name? farhana???? hello find other name please!

Dec 2019: Family day
- it was a stressful event to plan everythings out with banyak kepala. but alhamdulillah it turns out evry well,. uwan atuk the makciks and pakciks seems very happy for how the family day turned out :')
- fell in love in brush lettering and started to learn and have a book to scribble some quotes. also in love with bullet journal. so also made one starting dec and insyaallah need to commit this journal until the end of 2020. hehehe.

so next year goal
- to step out of my comfort zone
- to be more fun and adventurous
- to visit more countries with family and friends
- to finally meet that special someone

okay sekian angan angan

video uploaded in youtube hehehe

the day me and fa ate ... hmm ya Allah forgive us please

one of my fav boomerang

cam tiber but bye hahaha

sense of belonging

i didn't want to whine so much. but i did. hahahha

so today i just feel down. i don't know exactly why. so today actually is the pharmrun day. my first time participating in a run, and my first time socializing with other pharmacy worker in melaka. and how it goes? its good! i run for 2 and half km and walk for the rest of the 'run' hahaha. ainul went ahead left me behind. but i feel just relax, power walking through palm trees. hiks. haven't been in nature for a long time.

so far so good. but then back at home, i read a post about an HO quitting because of toxic environment in her workplace. it is indeed toxic, thus it bring my mood down as well. and I suddenly thought that i'm alone in this battlefield. Ainul, Anis and Farhana has their own friends here in Melaka. but i have no one i expected to meet during the run. or maybe i expect to find jodoh there. duhh hahaha but ofc nope there wasnt jodoh there.

and to make the wound more painful, these hospital's prp in prp seoul discussed about how to send info into skt hrmis. and i like, what's that gurllll? It's like adding salt to this fresh wound i create myself. huhuhu. i feel like i didn't feel any sense of belonging here in my work area. but then my friends in other places at least has each other. physically. i really wanted to be close to my notts friends. why am I so far away from everybody :( im not stghong!!!

Okay Ain, it just 2 months since your started working. youll be fine. like you did in Allday. You'll make some close friends. just be nice to everyone, and theyll be nice to you. love you ain. be strong. dont let these little things bother you. you're significant in this world.

Adulthood

Hi the more adult ain! You okay now? Are you struggle with the unfairness of workloads again? No? Guess youre okay now then. Whether you're fine with the load or life is just getting fairer now. So let's start with how i get a job. Hiks. Alhamdulillah 17.7.18, I've choosen a place very near to my house as my workplace for 2+ years! Its been complicated between KK Ayer Keroh and Hospital Tampin. But home it is! Then early august I've reported duty there and it's been two months now working there. Just to say for these two months i indeed learnt a lot and work a lot 😅 maybe beacuse i'm new or i'm the youngest, they really do make me do alot of work. Still bearable. Thanks to frps that helped me alot. 

However, if i'm comparing myaelf to my friends whom in hospital right now, i would be nothing. Of course. And yes, because i'm comparing, i'm a little bit depressed and anxious of everything. Like gosh they know alot now, like gosh they have a tons lot of patients compare to KK but i complained a lot. So i rather be quiet. Only talked when people talked. I've became the ain when she was in mock pharmacy in her final year. She did nothing but silence. Did her work in silence, not to disturb others, not bothering them. No. But maybe better than before because she's much more confident now. 

 

Here. The words of comfort i meant for someone else, comfort me a lot more. Allah gave these for me, through me, initiate by a friend. Alhamdulillah eventhough in these unhealthy environment i work with, im blessed with frps who are willing to help me, to back me up when im wronged, to show me the correct way to do things, to not laugh at me when im making mistakes, to have a lunch with me everytime, everyday and talked about how we gonna improved these unhealthy work environment we're in. Thank you Allah for these people. Thank you Allah for placing me in Ayer Keroh so i can see my parents everyday, my grandparents every week, my cats my precious every single dag. Alhamdulillah. 

ramadhan

ramadhan mubarak everyone!!

so today is the second ramadhan of the year and i spent the day with workig in the pharmacy and break fasting once in pharmacy and once at home. fair enough. both experiences are the best! hiks. so today is my first terawikh for the month at the surau. speaking of which, this reminds me of last ramadhan we spent in nottingham. i loved our ramadhan back then. we break fasting together as housemates and prayed terawikh and tadarrus together afterwards. Usually we break fast at 9pm so all the sessions will be ended at midnight. so the tadarrus was reallyyyyy a sleepy tadarrus. hahha. we did all this in amini's room because hers are the largest among all. i miss. huhu. i miss them. i miss the coldness where we need to share amini's duvet while tadarrus. i miss the vibe.

weirdly if i need to recall when we're break fasting, the last two years' ramadhan where fa, bee and myself breakfasting at their house. maybe that was the first ramadhan i spent in overseas, fa away from family. everyone were back in Malaysia back then, left us three pretending to be strong enough (actually kedekut tak nak spend duit untuk tiket flight duhh) to spend the whole ramadhan and celebrating eid fitri there. But unfortunately, after coming back from turkey, bee's attempt to went back to Malaysia made all of us went back to Malaysia for eid. So we spent our Ramadhan together. At first, it was sooooooo boring. We didn't do anything. So i go back and forth to 41 lace st and 13 claude st. I ironed all my clothes, cleaned up 41 lace st, make some scrap book, watch pretty liars and many more but still there will be some time before break fast. Being so bored we started cooking at 5 pm like we usually did in Malaysia, but still have 4 hours before maghrib huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. so we cooked slowly and enjoyed trying amking dishes and kuih muih. So that's what memorable to me. I loved it. I miss us three. I miss shakirin as well. I miss dayang nurjeboniss. hiks.

hope this ramadhan is filled with blessings and love form Allah. My our deeds will be accepted and may only goods will come to us now and onwards. again, salam ramadhan everyone!

video on how creative we were

husnozon!

just to clarify this is to remind myself for not being the bad one.

so ive been working as sales assistant in allday pharmacy for half a year already. what an accomplishment! everything is great except the habit of the girl who always badmouthing this one guy. not that im on that guy side, i dont really like his personality as well but i think you guys are filled so much hate towards him already huhu. so now each and everything he did, these girls will find faults in him.

ingat ain. people in this world is reallly reallyyy filled with different personalities. you need to be more understanding and be more flexible. at the same time you need to be more contained with your stand. try imagined yourself in their shoes. you might find the reason why they behave in that way. think before you act. watch your mouth watch your actions. be husnozon (sangka baik). and the most important is sabr. 

challenge will come to you when you most needed it. be it about coworkers, workload, family, money or anything. Allah set these challenges perfectly bearable for you to handle. just go with the flow. fight with strong faith that Allah will guide you through. these will make you stronger and be a better person in the future ain. They will. Allah will. You will. InsyaAllah. 

'and for your Lord, be patience' (74:7)

post from 20 jan 2018

Its been awhile isn't? So short story so that I would know this in the future. No i dont think it will be short.

So at first there's this one guy came with kaki dengkot dengkot. So kak has asked me to bandaged his ankle. So since then, this guy will keep tegur me everytime he pass by pharmacy. And the daysss afterwards atul keep on saying my jodoh lalu my jodoh lalu. And i thought its was him. The guy i bandaged last time. But hell yeah he was married and have pretty kids! So i tell atul about that! Gila ke apa kan?! So atul corrected me. The one she said was the other guy who work at the same shop as the married guy! And that guy named nasir! I was lulzzeddd ada jugak nama tu diselit selit huhuhuhu. Since then mmg asyik ternampak and terserempak and terperasan yg dia mmg selalu menjengah pharmacy! And here we go everyone in the pharmacy know! Except several people but most of them know and then one day kak has told me in front of everybody that 'my tulang rusuk' came to pharmacy when i was in holiday. Farid was there too! And he was one of the several who haven't know about that yet. Knowing his stubbornness he insisted on knowing who is that guy. He guessed almost every guy in the mydin. And he hot it right at the end of the day. Shocking news, the next day while farid was away from pharmacy kak has told kak ina kak tasha about yesterday story. The shocking news was kak has told me that farid also ada hati at me when i first work there. I was like wth kak has!!!! Hahahahhahahahahhaha so itulah ceritanya. Typing this in surau actually and not my break time yet and 15 minutes has passed. I need to go now! Anyeong!

dream maker

so hello!

i've known as a girl who have such unique dreams and i always told them to my friends or even wrote them somewhere because it's so epic! so here are some of my dreams that were written somwhere in my media. lulz.

this is the current one! i wrote them directly after waking up from sleep.

'Today's dream is another dream that can be reproduce to make a blockbuster movie woohoo 🙌 so it was like an amazing race i was  first a staff of the game not a participant but somehow when the game start, i found myself running as well! Tue game was fun! In every corner or space you need to find a clue card. It usually contains on what to do next or where tp go next, i cant remember who exactly in the dream with me. But i know for sure there was angah! He was like the top two and im the top five! Yay 😊 lulz 😂 i cant make it interesting here but honestly the challenge on the card and the need of being such creative in solving riddle in the card amazed me. And how come my brain could come out with such dream. Maybe because kak ina asked me what viper challenge is.  There was another dream where i was a victim of harassment from my teacher and the whole school friend were protecting me. But the school teacher was really really really psycho! I think i told the dream to fa so let me check in previous text in ws!  '

next are the one i wrote directly to fa because i was too excited for this blockbuster dreams hahahahha! (sorry it is in form of screencapture instead)

story 1

#story 2 this happens just like 5 days (13/8/2017) after the previous dream hahahha i produce interesting dreams everyday y all!

jangan cakap hakak tak payungggg hahahhahahahha

and i think this was my first time writing my dream and shared it publicly :'D

and it was like 8 years ago hahahahhahahaha

aku sgt trjkut ngn mmpi ni..smpy bgn tdo trus cpai lptop..ni cte bnar beb!

aku x tau pulak ade mrsm jahat kt malaysia ni..tp tu la yg mncul kt mmpi aku.cmni..*jap recalll..ok da. 

aku dpt twaran kuar dr tgb*wa stu brta baik! aku dpt antara mrsm gmencheh ato mrsm jahat uh *x tau ape nme dia.mamai!. tp ntara tgb ngn mrsm jahat uh mrsm jahat uh lg dkat ngn umah aku..mse cuti aku dok lupe psal mrsm jahat uh.aku cme pk aku dpt stay tgb je..aku dh jnji mcm2 ngn kwan aku kt tgb..yg aku ingt, akma aku jnji nk belasah ko * huh nth pape. anis, aku jnji nk peluk ko!. faa, kite jnji nk dpt 4.0 sme2..*yg btul2 pon msuk an?plik! ade lg yg lain da lupe.mse nk beli bju skola.ayah aku x kasi beli tdung biru,*tudung ldp. aku pelik kjap time tu. pas2 aku wt bodo je.jgn byk ckp nnti ayah x nk beli bju baru.*haha suma pelik! mse dftar ayah ngn ibu anta aku g mrsm jahat uh!mnangis2 aku x nk pegi.tp ntah aku ikut je.skola tu bruk sgat.bdak2 kt stu nmpak sgt kjahtan diorg.tkut gler.lagi stu yg lg tkut.aku dpt stu bilik ngn laki.!!gile ar an.bilik dia sgt kecik dn buruk.tp ade aircond!*huh mimpi2..mse nk msuk ade dorg laki tgh baring kt ktil tu.so mse diorg nmpk aku msuk , diorg pon kuar sbb fmily aku rmai.*mse tu sme mkcik pakcik spupu spapat sume ikut.haish lg pelik! aku dok tepi tingkap.mcm biasa. *dr sharodz smpy ke tgb aku mmg dok tepi tngkap. mse g pjabat dia aku rse cm nk mnangis lagi.tp bile aku nmpk stu kelibat.yg muka dia sbijik cm aina ahad!trus aku brubah ceria.aku tny dia 'aina wt pe kt sni?aina nk msuk sni ke?'. dgn bgge dn riaknye aina jawab 'haah nk daftar la ni'.aku dgn kuat dan lantangnya smpy stu pjabat dgr kta kt aina 'jgn aina nnt ko mnyesal!'..pas2 jln lagi nmpk sorg badar tgb laki.x ingt nme dia spe.*ala yg kurus2 tu..aku rse mse tu. ish dak tgb ni dah gile agaknya.mse sbuh,kitorg kne kjut gne siren n aku tdo pkai tdung!pg2 tu kne g padang amek air smayang.peliknya!!mse turn aku.aku trsungkur.n ade la sorg ni.dia gtau aku klau nk kwn ngn bdak baik2 kt sni ade bdak tu nme dia ..ntah x ingt...tp dia baik la..ok pas2 g breakfast.mkn sdap gak ar.smpy knyg la aku mkn yg pasti.ok mse nk msuk klas aku.jap klas aku 289.*ni yg pling aku plik!puas kliling skola crik x jmpe.n akhirnya jmpe gak.dlm klas tu sume pkai bju lain2 kaler.ade yg pkai skirt, bju tdo pon ade!*a'in!mimpi apakah? pas2 bile nk msuk cgu dia sndri x tau tu klas ape.ish!time msuk klas lpas da confirm, aku nk dok dpan.tp ttba tcpak kt blkg.scond last.dok sblh bdak yg bwk mainan colourful.*meriah! pas2 bdak gile glamour dpan aku pusing blakang dia kte "dsbbkan bday ko sme ngn bday justin bieber!*huh! dia hadiahkan aku stu bju.

pas2!pup!mimpi ilang kne bngn subuh!ya Allah aku x tau la ape mksud mmpi tu.tp aku gle trkjut..mmg sgt mrepek.tp nk cte gak ngn korg.sbb nnt lme2 aku lupe.nk kte aku x smayang isya" sblom tdo dh smyang.ish plik..korg jgn gelak ey bce cte mmpi pelik aku ni..aku ngis bjuta kali au dlm mmpi ni sbb korg.aku ngis sbb asal aku x dpt stay ngn dak tgb.or asal aku x g je gmnceh.ha sume nme korg aku sbut time tu.jgn main2..

and these are the comments for being such bravery for posting it publicly? hahahahahahahha

okayyy i'll update more if had any more interesting dreams hahahhaha