Bold

Hello,

I am now 27. And in few yas it will be 2022 and I will be 28. Who knows we'll come this far. And just be fine, or I might say we 're still teh same Ain. hahaha. Frankly speaking, Ain has gotten mature with her thoughts and feelings. I'm proud of that. So shall we talked about how mature are we now? Or if your're reading this in future, this current Ain might not be mature at all pun hahaha but who cares, we're making progress here. So I'm going to embrace it here as memories :)

First of all, our feelings. Back in school days, I'm a crybaby. An awful crybaby who cries at everything that doesn't goes well in her own plan. She's super kiasu. She almost never accept defeat in her life.

Highschool
But as she went to high school, she slowly accepted that she is just an average human bein. There are so much pretty, intelligent, gifted human being in this world. She just hardworking. And she grateful for that. An still cries over grades. The kiasu is still there and that kiasu is what brings the current Ain here now. Thanks for your stubbornes we survived in this world. She had crush on several guys in high school but never mention it to anyone. even to her best friend. So no one knows what's her true feelings. BUt if she feel frustated about not winning, yeah she'll cry. back to this crush thingy, yeap she hid in deep inside cause she don't want this romantic feelings get in her way of being successful. I've mentioned she had several crush on some guys in highschool right? But did I mentioned, she's quite cute back then so she had numbers of guys crushing on her as well hahaha. And one of them, managed to get her heart but she hid it so well at one point their friends wondering if she really dislike the guy? Cause she rejected him a few times. And the last time the guy confessed to her, and she still didn't show her true feelings, the guy gave up and had crush on another girl. And then she had her first proper heart break. And as stubborn as she is, she shed one drop of tear and went to sleep. I don't know whether that is her being strong or being stubborn. i'm confuse.

University
Then moving on to university life, she still having this crush on her highschool friend who started to ignore her when they moved highschool. She tried having several crushes to seniors and colleague but this highschool guy personality make she fall hard for him. as mentioned, this highschool is ignoring her right? Yup to the point he blocking her in Instagram acc. yup, still crushing. I still didn't know how she managed to kept crushing on this guy, but maybe because she haven't founda guy that seems so nice to his family and to his friends. The good personality of him is something she didn't managed to find anywehere else. And of course she get some news about him, through her best friend who again didn't know she had feelings for this guy. And to add more fuel to this fire, her bestfriend kept matchmaking Ain and this highschool guy without this bestfriend know that freaking ain is crushing hard. hahah. And of course she had somebody crushed on her as well, but not a many as she recieved during highschoo. Bet she getting more ugly after those years hahaha. But yup she cold. And afraid of what people will say, since the crush is a way senior than her. so during uni dyas, she only had this 'crush tepi jalan'. And her oppas. She head over heels over Mino Winner and some other actors hahahah.

Working
so you thought the highschool guy in uni is over? nope. hahaha. but so, she knew this not going to work in the future, she had clousre by confessing to him. and of course get rejected. and she is totally okay. Only at that moment, she had severa months process of moving on, but it's easier since he already blocked her at instagram so she doesn't have to suffer that much. hmmm. her colleageu once have a crush on her, but yup he way older than she is and way more senior. ths guy is obviously giving hints and other colleagues noticed it as well. but i chose not to because of his personality of keep whining of every single things. urgh i get that you're the only child in your family but shouldn't you act like an adult here at your workplac. and to make it worse, when i went back from a long holiday, my face breakout teruk, then he mocked me continously. excuse me, that's my most insecure area for you to mess around with, so i get angry and smacked him at the back. thank god, i'm going to transfer to diff worplace in few days so i didn't have to face him everyday. gosh he's the cause of my insecurity getting worst now. I can't.

Life after half century
covid strikes. and the only people i met this past two years are colleagues and patients. no one caught my attention haha. so crush count is almost nil. but i'm on instagram all the time, so i noticed this one guy from highschool that i never noticed before. he had similar personality of previous crush and work as an egineer at a good workplace. as you noticed, i've started getting bold since the confession. so here i'm going bold as well. i dm'ed him and start to ask questions. and he kindly reply me. mostly about his cats. omo so cute!!! but what i observed was, i'm the only one who asking questions. He didn't even care about my life. so i figured it out. there's no point of having feelings and to proceed with that feeling if the other party is not interested on you at all. so i uncrushed him. i succeed. and months later, he had a girlfriend. luckily i've uncrshed him first. or else, i'll break my heart again haha. But several guy approached me through friends and family, but i didn't feel like to play with feelings at the moment. and of course because the recommendations (?) are not a match with me. they're ustaz or something. like hello im wild as heck kot???
the world is changing, most of people are single now due to covid (ye ke?) so dating apps are not a taboo anymore. among people our age lah. sebab maybe for our parents that was not a good idea. padahal they're doing the same things, match making their daughters and sons through mutuals. huhu. so that being said, I've downloaded bumble. downloaded once for few days, match with someone and talked to him for few dyas and then felt not right and deleted it right away. Then re-downloaded it after several months. maybe because my colleague kept talkng about how she met various of people through tinder, so i was swooned by that. like why not we try this again for fun. since i hae no intention of getting serious with anyone for now. so i'm being more bold. i said hi to al people who matched with me. and now i'm in a talking phase with this one guy. he made me so comfortable during this talking phase. it felt like we've known each other for long, and we just catching up with each other lifes. so i decided to delete bumble and informed him to contact me through insta if he wants to. and he did. and now it's been about three weeks. and we chat non stop. i mean, we replied wach other late, which i like causei got my own life too but the conversation kept going. since he stays in melaka and next week, i'm heading back to melaka for long holiday i wanted to know if he's going to ask me out during my stay in melaka. cause if he did, and still comfortable with each other, then i think i shoul think about this seriously. and need to know that if he also think about this seriously. cause girl and boy, i got no time to waste!
but frakly speaking, i'm getting attached to this guy. so i'm afraid. but i think i kept showing my true feelings as i dropped hints or whatsover. so like, i don't know who the heck ain who hides her feeling anymore? hahaha. hopefully it goes well with this guy. so i can stop searching. hihi.
so that's all how ain becoming bold with her feelings over years. i don't know if being this bold would result in any good results but being invisible is so much worst from my prviosu experience. so yeah we'll see. love you ain.

2020

Hi, it's been almost two years of not blogging here. But no worries I sort my thoughts and feelings well (?) through phycical journal I bought last two years. So before I talked about what's in my head right now, I'll just want to update you what I've been doing these past years of no news in here. hehehe.

2020

Jan 2020

fa alluring me to Winner Concert like oh my god the ticket price so expensive but since i dont't know when will i meet them cehhh, so i joined lots and lots of competitions to win teh ticket but not with my luck lah kan. Fa already bought her tickets at the very frot row on the left row. Since i didnt win, i bought one but at most far back huhu. But a t the venue, someone wanted to sold her front row ticket where fa located! so i bought that and sold my ticket to nadiah! hahah. scream like crazy and it felt so urghhh lve it. might be last concert though. had so much fun.

Feb 2020

joined Imaret charity clinic with no one. yes you read it right, i didn't have any companion to go to this event. hahaha. tapi i gain priceless experience and it was in kl! hahaha gigih datang. also since ainul going to move to johor for her permanent posting soon, we decided among ourselves, the frp, to go for a short trip in penang!

Mar 2020

Covid hits! Movement control order takes place. Wear masks at all times, sanitize everything, road has been emptied, all worker work from home but not me. yeah a lot have changed.

April 2020

Ayah bring his sayur business at home. so we set up a mini market at our car porch and deliver all the orders to customers. frankly speaking i did not like the idea of doing business with family. we fight a lot. but we spend so much time a lot as well. well, blood is thicker than water. who else gonna help my father if not us, his darah daging. cause we love each other thats why.

May 2020

our first raya at home. felt homey, make rendang and all but it only last a few hours cause then i'll be doing laundry at laundry shop. that was my version of ziarah raya. cried when uwan didn't allow to go bak to kampung when angah went back for picking up vegetables and what not. but yeah it's for our safety. and i start wearing contact lens during this month as well heheheh

June 2020

ainul and anis last day in KKAK. and get my tooth extracted. sakit :( ohh and we managed to gather with our family for doa selamat since the mco has been lifted for a while.

July 2020

went to pulau perhentian with kirin, bee and shasha. kinda last minute trip but i've wanted to go to pulau since forever. and of course while the mco been lifted we went and have fun there. also our result for permanent post was out and i didnt get any email for extend contract so imight get the chanceof being permanent. fuhh.

August 2020

able to celebrate raya haji at kampung but ofcourse with cautions. also my last day at KKAk since i've been transferred to KKBatu Berendam, a new KK. quite fun setting up a new place and learn all the basics. but only be able to work there for a month plus since i've received the permanent placement in Johor.And bought this ipad as a gift for myself hiks

September 2020

my last day at KKBB and it's time for a new adventure. I've been placed at a hospital! yes, scary. and yeah is kota tinggi, a place i've never heard before. and yes its at the end of peninsular malaysia. and yes its far far far away from home. but luckily, bee is placed here too. huhuh or else i might be homesick as hell. well i did though. also, since i moved to far place my parents persuade me to buy a car. so Honda jazz hello my pwetty 3.0. hope we're getting along well hehehhe.

October 2020

adapting myself in hospital. need to go for numbers of kursus and training. fuhh hospital life.

November 2020

mco strikes again, covid cases hit high, unable to go home. ward getting filled with covid patients. colleague getting infected. omg it feels like a zombie movie where you needto be careful with everyone and everything huhuhuhu.

December 2020

have started a hobby of doing journal stickers and since im journaling and cant go back home, im thinking of selling them eheheheheh. and also angah ahs been diagnosed with juvinile glaucoma

yeah stay tuned for 2021.