sense of belonging

i didn't want to whine so much. but i did. hahahha

so today i just feel down. i don't know exactly why. so today actually is the pharmrun day. my first time participating in a run, and my first time socializing with other pharmacy worker in melaka. and how it goes? its good! i run for 2 and half km and walk for the rest of the 'run' hahaha. ainul went ahead left me behind. but i feel just relax, power walking through palm trees. hiks. haven't been in nature for a long time.

so far so good. but then back at home, i read a post about an HO quitting because of toxic environment in her workplace. it is indeed toxic, thus it bring my mood down as well. and I suddenly thought that i'm alone in this battlefield. Ainul, Anis and Farhana has their own friends here in Melaka. but i have no one i expected to meet during the run. or maybe i expect to find jodoh there. duhh hahaha but ofc nope there wasnt jodoh there.

and to make the wound more painful, these hospital's prp in prp seoul discussed about how to send info into skt hrmis. and i like, what's that gurllll? It's like adding salt to this fresh wound i create myself. huhuhu. i feel like i didn't feel any sense of belonging here in my work area. but then my friends in other places at least has each other. physically. i really wanted to be close to my notts friends. why am I so far away from everybody :( im not stghong!!!

Okay Ain, it just 2 months since your started working. youll be fine. like you did in Allday. You'll make some close friends. just be nice to everyone, and theyll be nice to you. love you ain. be strong. dont let these little things bother you. you're significant in this world.

Adulthood

Hi the more adult ain! You okay now? Are you struggle with the unfairness of workloads again? No? Guess youre okay now then. Whether you're fine with the load or life is just getting fairer now. So let's start with how i get a job. Hiks. Alhamdulillah 17.7.18, I've choosen a place very near to my house as my workplace for 2+ years! Its been complicated between KK Ayer Keroh and Hospital Tampin. But home it is! Then early august I've reported duty there and it's been two months now working there. Just to say for these two months i indeed learnt a lot and work a lot 😅 maybe beacuse i'm new or i'm the youngest, they really do make me do alot of work. Still bearable. Thanks to frps that helped me alot. 

However, if i'm comparing myaelf to my friends whom in hospital right now, i would be nothing. Of course. And yes, because i'm comparing, i'm a little bit depressed and anxious of everything. Like gosh they know alot now, like gosh they have a tons lot of patients compare to KK but i complained a lot. So i rather be quiet. Only talked when people talked. I've became the ain when she was in mock pharmacy in her final year. She did nothing but silence. Did her work in silence, not to disturb others, not bothering them. No. But maybe better than before because she's much more confident now. 

 

Here. The words of comfort i meant for someone else, comfort me a lot more. Allah gave these for me, through me, initiate by a friend. Alhamdulillah eventhough in these unhealthy environment i work with, im blessed with frps who are willing to help me, to back me up when im wronged, to show me the correct way to do things, to not laugh at me when im making mistakes, to have a lunch with me everytime, everyday and talked about how we gonna improved these unhealthy work environment we're in. Thank you Allah for these people. Thank you Allah for placing me in Ayer Keroh so i can see my parents everyday, my grandparents every week, my cats my precious every single dag. Alhamdulillah.