crybaby

such as crybaby. tangan ada bisul sikit pun nak nangeh. padahal tak sakit sangat pun. cuma sakit kalau bergerak dan disentuh. and nangis tu sbb takut doktor nak picit nnti. just the thought can make me cry. ohmai such a crybaby. alhamdulillah ada kawan yg sangat sangat baik. thank you minie bagi pinjam steroid. thank you shasba letakkan timun and balutkan guna plastik (huhu), thank you fa concern and nak temankan aku pergi jumpa pharmacist esok. thank you kirin dengar aku bebel nangis sbb takut kena picit.

Exaym ke awuck

Yew sayew tengah eckzem. Wow macam ejaan eczema.

Yes indeed after a month of study week finally set off to exam. Two days constutivley. Cancer essay and CNS rogo. and both lecture materials combined can get two Alquran. I mean the pages. Never had this kind of exam schedule before (back to back exam) so it was hectic. Really. I thought I would never focus during study but right after a tiring evening perah otak for cancer exam  then straight go through over another thick handbook cause you need to finish this in less than 24 hours, I break record of studying straight for 6 hours. Not sure how many lecture in the module but surely have a full list of medicines in an A4. Tu tak masuk lagi k thats for what and what side effect and complication and all. No ain tak baik mengeluh. But after the exam (dont ask how was it) Dengan computer asyik crash and you previously saw the question in the handbook but thinking its too late to find the answer so you ignore it then sebijik tiga solan samaaaaaaaa kot but you didn't find the answer. (Well now you know why you dont have to ask, ill tell you eventually). Kwenchana though. Finally get through the mental breakdown after eating herher. Kenyang perut suka hati kan herher. But then again tiba tiba thought that cukup ke usaha aku ni untuk pay off success? Ke sebab tak cukup sebab tu jadi macam ni? Am desperately wanting to get 60 and above for this sem. At least graduate i can get second upper class. Eventhough dreamt of getting first class before but ye kita buat sesuatu dengan SMART. Specific measureable achievable realistic and time bound. So saya ukur baju di badan saya bukan badan orang lain. Herher. As semua kat sini cakap 'emm weh teruk wehh aku carry mark sikit' well yorobun bukan beautiful je sibjektif. Definition markah sikit tu pun subjektif. Pada mata anda sikit, tapi pada orang lain boleh jadi banyak. 

Posted a status on FB 'mental breakdown'. Lepas tu 😍

Even comments from your friends in FB pun awok boleh terharu. Haih hati awak ni sangat le sensitip. 😌

*perasan yang setiap kali tulis dekat blog ni, after written down all my problems ke ke pleasure ke apa ke, i will always reflect myself. That i need to bersyukur no matter what. Allah will give you what the best for you. Bagus banyak banyak lah reflect diri ya. Sedar diri sikit awak kat mana. Ingat put Allah in His rightful place. Tempat tertinggi kayh?! 

In memory of your hard(?)work

Okwed not okwed lah

\

Am amazed on how this picture is the most normal picture for the three of us. Saranghae yorobun. I'll treasure all of our memories forever. Disemai rapi rapi dalam hatiku. Apakah 🙄 

antara cita dan impian (cewahhhhhhhhhhh)

tak jadi aku nak study. nab punya pasal la ni. pergi cerita pasal kisah hidup dia pulak. hahaha. haa! salahkan orang salahkan orang dia yang tak reti nak bahagi masa ish!

since we on the topic of time and shall i add hardwork? so im going to express something here. sekarang sudy week. no study month. and since we have such lots of time and now im fooling around. i dont know where the hardworking girl that i used to be. where the determination that i used to have? tipu kalau kata tak tercabar dengan bee dengan fa dengan nurul lagi lagi dengan minie of course. dengan aida, dengan lily, dengan malisa. hmm masa foundation dulu. at least nak semangat tu. tapi makin lama belajar makin hilang minat, makin hilang fokus dalam kelas. selalu fikir. dah hilang minat dekat pharmacy ke dah hilang minat dekat belajar sebenarnya ni? ingat lagi dulu ada debate from one side to be a housewife and another side be a working wife. and i really opposed minie's idea of being housewife after going through such hardship for four years MPharm degree! lagi lagi she's a genius! but you know now im on her side hahaha. am planning of being a hospital pharmacist for a short period of time until i get married and have my own child then ill quit. after being a housewife for a year or so, i will get back to work but not as a pharmacist but as a chemistry teacher. hahahaha. still i dont to waste my four years studies about all these stuffs that blerghhhhhhhhhhhh (eh tak blergh tak blergh aku je yang blerghh)

we are in the age of keep on thinking about future (marriage mostly -_- gatal!) so seriously when they started to talk or imagining themselves about their self in hospital or in pharmacy or being covered by medicine ( not being sick kayhh being a pro kayhh) i wondered myself. kau nak jadi apa. apa impian kau? apa nak jadi besar nanti? lol tak besar ke sekarang lol. lets reminiscing my dream masa kecik kayhh, emm cashier (hahahahhahaha jadah), cikgu then upgrade to lecturer sebab ibu kata jadilah lecturer dapat banyak sikit duit (huhu), then tukar jadi pediatrician then ayah kata kaklong perempuan kalau jadi doktor nanti busy sangat kesian family. hmm yeah taking that into consideration too. then lastly pursue a dream of becoming pharmacist right now. then again being a teacher hahahaha. (not a lecturer because you need to have a phd to be one, so tak nak belajar lagi, nak mengajar je)  oh ya! a singer! eh tak im mature enough to think about having singing as a professional job (cashier tu mende? hahahaha) but deep inside the passion to sing never die lol. considering about taking a traditional singing class one day. lama dah bersara. cehh macam pro sangat je. baru menang sekali tu pun no dua. bajet *smirk face

dah tak payah bebel panjang pergi baca ectoparasite. esok nak p manchester. kena tidur awal. ha!

emo

hai nak post emo lagi. hahaha.

well, tak pernah ke rasa yang rasa sedih tiba tiba yang kau rasa nak ada orang sebelah kau or palin tak pun ada orang boleh happy kan kau? tapi when you desperately need one, no one there. haha. pathetic habis. well, if i tell someone pun, orang tu pun will like' ha emo emo!' or won't layan pun. sebab like' pfft ain emo la tu biarlah dia kejap lagi elok la tu'

sumpah in need of pantai. sebab those words won't get me better pun. make me worse adalah like im the useless person in the world yang orang lain macam pfft pehal dia ni. well music is my forever chinggu. entah bye!











or maybe i don't even cried for help? but i'm not used to it.

Part of heart

I got huge sensitive part of my heart that is about friends and family. I dont cry for romance movies. I cried for 3 idiots movies, i cried on everything related to friends and family, i supposed. Ive been thinking who are my real friend? Am i a good friend? If i have a huge problem ahead of me, would someone lend her shoulder for me to cry on? Would someone ever noticed that im in troubled? Would someone would lend their hand to help me? And if ive gone forever, would someone pray for may eternity happiness up there forever? Just wondering.

Thank you for being with me all this time. Thank you for making me warm and happy all the time. You guys are the people who i spent my time the most with. Im sorry if i annoyed you, im sorry if i did something wrong in front or behind your back. Truthfully, i cant go on with my life without you guys. Saranghae. Chinca.

Sekian post emo

Depressed

Sorry ni meluahkan perasaan sikit

Kenapa nak kena tanya siapa pergi so on and so forth? Why we need to follow others while we have our own pleasure to be satisfied? Emo i know but i really dont understand. But really girl if you mirrored yourself, you see your reflection exactly the same as theirs. Serious. K they want to do something else then you asked is there anyone joining? Or sorry im not interested. Yeah sure whats wrong with that. Im sorry im just getting emotional sebab lately i think ive no friends to do everthing with. Even i have one, and if i keep pestering them, in one point they'll get so annoyed with me. Im sorry i have nobody but you guys here. I keep whining, i keep spoiled myself to you guys. Im sorry i know im annoying. But.. Nah its okay kenchana. Im good. Im strong. I can stand on my own. Mianne. 

Im good serious.