Dilemma: Nak balik malaysia ke nak sambung pre reg kat sini 🙁
Current situation: Nak balik Malaysia and kalau boleh nak jadi budak forever. Tak nak kerja tapi dah penat belajar. Ya Allah kenapalah lesu sangat semangat juang dalam diri ni ya Allah. 🙁
Wednesday, 10 May 2017
Sunday, 19 March 2017
Can't think about any title at the moment. I just feel so sad. So suddenly. I was on the phone with ibu this afternoon. And now it's midnight. Things run through my mind when I tried to sleep. And one of the things were Mak Et asking me to contact uwan because she's sick and Ibu complaining her wrist feels pain and what I did was just jokingly asked her to tie her hands as she unconsciously folding her wrist in sleep. And i just felt regret. Until just now. Thinking of how many hours and days I've spent with my family. Oh my god, there were really little. I think I've spend almost 10 years only committed to study and by the time I graduated and got a job then I'll be spending the rest of my life on work and my new family i guess. I really want to spend more time with them. Ya Allah just please don't take them away from me in this moment. I want to create more memories together. Or just don't take me yet. One i may be not ready. Two, I need them. They're my everything. Even though I was looked like I don't care, but I do really care. Just please make them healthy and happy while I'm not with them, and make them happier and healthier when I'm with them. Please.
Thursday, 5 January 2017
Still hold high
Im still hoping hahahhaha
Salahkan drama weightlifting fairy sebab buat aku teringin nak ada org ada dgn aku susah senang cewah. Joonjoonhyung satuu!! Well as said im still held my hope high. I still hold your 'promise'. Not sure if that's an empty promise or a joke or whatever it is, tapi sebab kan statement tu lah I still held my hope high. We've been lost contact for years now. 5 years? Or maybe 6? But sometimes I still hear about you from my friends. Tak sure la kau sedar tak aku wujud lagi dalam dunia ni, tapi I wish you could. Hahaha. Cause I still held my hope high didnt't I?
Well I'm at the age of thinking kalau I'm in a relationship right now, I would staright away think that I should marry him. Sebab beb kau dah 23. OMG. And jahatnya aku pergi fikir ... Biarlah rahsia.
K itu sahaja. Serahkan kepada imaginasi anda untuk sambung apa saja. Mengantuk. Adios!
Saturday, 27 August 2016
Stress lah. Dah tiga minggu excited nak balik kampung tapi sekali pun tak dapat. Tau tak perasaan dah excited tapi last minute cancel. Okay that feeling every time. Balik msia batu sekali je dapat balik kampung. Tu pun masa raya. Ish sumpah sedih terkilan marah semua ada. Geram. Stress. Kalau aku tau jalan balik kampung lama dah aku sorang je balik tadi. Benci
Sunday, 7 August 2016
novel
Just a sudden thought while i was tweeting about how I accidentally 'syok'ed again at reading novel hehe
Back to 2010, amboi kemain. Okay serious, back to 2010, i think that was my last novel which i think that was the thickest and the 'emo'est i can be while reading it. I forced myself to finished my homework early so i could read that novel and finished it. Even now i can still remember how weird at first the novel was. There's a scene where the lead girl banging her head towards the wall just to get rid of 'satan' in her head. I find that scary till now huhu. And that novel was lended by someone who doesn't talk to me anymore after a while in that year till now. Terluka hati i. Sampai sekarang tau! It's okay kalau jodoh kita kuat kita pasti bertemu and if i could gather up my courage to ask you why you avoided me all this time, i'll asked you dengan nada paling marah sekali (not shouting ofc nanti dia lari lagi) (apa ingat aku hantu ke?!) (i'm prettier than a ghost okayyy?!)
Okay bye
Back to 2010, amboi kemain. Okay serious, back to 2010, i think that was my last novel which i think that was the thickest and the 'emo'est i can be while reading it. I forced myself to finished my homework early so i could read that novel and finished it. Even now i can still remember how weird at first the novel was. There's a scene where the lead girl banging her head towards the wall just to get rid of 'satan' in her head. I find that scary till now huhu. And that novel was lended by someone who doesn't talk to me anymore after a while in that year till now. Terluka hati i. Sampai sekarang tau! It's okay kalau jodoh kita kuat kita pasti bertemu and if i could gather up my courage to ask you why you avoided me all this time, i'll asked you dengan nada paling marah sekali (not shouting ofc nanti dia lari lagi) (apa ingat aku hantu ke?!) (i'm prettier than a ghost okayyy?!)
Okay bye
Wednesday, 13 July 2016
past creates you
it's been a while. and i'm here in malaysia huhuhu. gebang kata tak nak balik tahun ni. haha balik juga akhirnya. selamat hari raya guys! now it's 9th raya! alhamdulillah still dpat duit raya lagi tahun ni. hiks!
okay back to the main topic!
past creates you or the environment you lived in creates your personality. As previously said, bila I tried to write down or talked about my problem, I would regret of saying it out loud. sbb rasa macam ish tak bersyukur ke ain dengan apa yang kau ada sekarang? that kind of feeling. rasa bersalah for not being wholly grateful for what have been given to you. macam tu. so i know i'll regret this later, tapi since i've poured it out once to amini and nadiah so maybe it will lessen the feeling of regretting of complaining. lulz. kaitan. dah lama dah poured out this topic, tapi bila tengok bandal chinggu (a Winner's broadcast bout childcare) where Mino and Seunghoon described their students' real behavior to the parents and how different the students are at home and school strucked me. huhu. I'm different too. I'm not sure about others, I do think that I have split personality hahha. When I with my family, I would be less expressive. Tapi dalam hati hanya tuhan yang tahu gitu. But I expresed anger well lulz, sebab tu my brothers sometimes called me Kak Ros sebab asyik marah je. huhu. And when I'm with my friends, I think I act like spoilt brat. I do. I am. I'll act like I'm the youngest and they need to love me more than others. Craving for attention gitu. I expressed it well though; baring on their laps, menyendeng in their room, sleep besides them, play with their hair. And maybe because diorang pun treat me like that kadang kadang kalau i think i'm hell annoying haha. well i sedar diri. I don't know why I being like this. hmm that's what my environment did to me.
kalau cerita pasal pasts pulak, I do have a lot of scars. Psychically and literally. Tapi now we're talking about literal scars. First how I control my anger. Honestly kalau hidup dengan aku dari kecik smapai sekarang I do improve a lot. A LOT! For instance dulu masa darjah 6, kalau ada pertandingan hias kelas ke apa ke, and kalau ada orang buat design jadual kelas sama dengan apa yang aku buat, I'll get angry. Sumpah scary (gedik pun ya yang gedik menyampah tu). I'll bebel and cry sampai I get what i want. Maybe this is more to competitiveness. Ni pun satu hal. Tapi ni tak ccol down sampai sekarang but how I handle it now, better la sebab I supress my anger hahaha. This kind of attitude continue until Form 3. lama kan haha. Main reason I think why I have less friends. haha. Now bila ada something yang buat aku marah, I'll stay quiet and complain in heart. Sampai tahap tak tahan, I'll run away and talk (whatsapp) to someone who don't know to whom I'm angry to. Then I'll calm down. Mybe sebab aku tak nak gaduh. Besar besar gaduh buat apa, so I think supressing is a better way than expressing it. Kau nak hidup dengan manusia tu lama lagi. That's what I thought if I feel like exploding. Secondly, about trust and people. Dulu I think, I easily trust people. Sekarang pun ada la lagi sikit. Tapi after several incidents, dh tak nak dah percaya 100% dekat semua orang or reveal abt myself even 40%. Sebab when I'm revealing my true self or cerita problems, that's mean I trust the person. And sekarang ada certain orang je boleh tau problem aku. Dah tak nak dah. TAK NAK! So I jadi lebih jual mahal sekarang haha. Hmm.
Banyak benda berubah daripada dulu. How I talk, how I behave, how I think. Banyak lah and all that thanks to experiences. Betullah orang cakap pengalaman mematangkan kita. And satu lagi, saying yang kata luas permandangan, luas pengetahuan. Since I'll able to travel around the world ni (ceehhh) I do learn a lot. About facts, navigation, transports, and most interesting is I learn about myself. I realised that when I'm alone watching views from trains, planes, cars I think alot. Lagi lagi bila kita tukar tukar partner berjalan. Lagilah I reflect banyak. Sebab we treat people differently according to how they treat us. And one more! Kawan kita dalah cerminan kita! Ni sumpah betul! Sebab, kadang kadang I talked exactly like she did. And I dnt like it. Maybe sebab aku rasa aku nak dia rasa apa yang aku rasa but thats not the best way. Hmm. So bila my friend do something yang I think uncomfortable to me, I sometimes reflected "macam tu ke aku?" Hm. bukan budak budak je tiru apa kita buat. itu pengajaran ya!
Alright. So much already! and this rojak language amboi. K boi!
okay back to the main topic!
past creates you or the environment you lived in creates your personality. As previously said, bila I tried to write down or talked about my problem, I would regret of saying it out loud. sbb rasa macam ish tak bersyukur ke ain dengan apa yang kau ada sekarang? that kind of feeling. rasa bersalah for not being wholly grateful for what have been given to you. macam tu. so i know i'll regret this later, tapi since i've poured it out once to amini and nadiah so maybe it will lessen the feeling of regretting of complaining. lulz. kaitan. dah lama dah poured out this topic, tapi bila tengok bandal chinggu (a Winner's broadcast bout childcare) where Mino and Seunghoon described their students' real behavior to the parents and how different the students are at home and school strucked me. huhu. I'm different too. I'm not sure about others, I do think that I have split personality hahha. When I with my family, I would be less expressive. Tapi dalam hati hanya tuhan yang tahu gitu. But I expresed anger well lulz, sebab tu my brothers sometimes called me Kak Ros sebab asyik marah je. huhu. And when I'm with my friends, I think I act like spoilt brat. I do. I am. I'll act like I'm the youngest and they need to love me more than others. Craving for attention gitu. I expressed it well though; baring on their laps, menyendeng in their room, sleep besides them, play with their hair. And maybe because diorang pun treat me like that kadang kadang kalau i think i'm hell annoying haha. well i sedar diri. I don't know why I being like this. hmm that's what my environment did to me.
kalau cerita pasal pasts pulak, I do have a lot of scars. Psychically and literally. Tapi now we're talking about literal scars. First how I control my anger. Honestly kalau hidup dengan aku dari kecik smapai sekarang I do improve a lot. A LOT! For instance dulu masa darjah 6, kalau ada pertandingan hias kelas ke apa ke, and kalau ada orang buat design jadual kelas sama dengan apa yang aku buat, I'll get angry. Sumpah scary (gedik pun ya yang gedik menyampah tu). I'll bebel and cry sampai I get what i want. Maybe this is more to competitiveness. Ni pun satu hal. Tapi ni tak ccol down sampai sekarang but how I handle it now, better la sebab I supress my anger hahaha. This kind of attitude continue until Form 3. lama kan haha. Main reason I think why I have less friends. haha. Now bila ada something yang buat aku marah, I'll stay quiet and complain in heart. Sampai tahap tak tahan, I'll run away and talk (whatsapp) to someone who don't know to whom I'm angry to. Then I'll calm down. Mybe sebab aku tak nak gaduh. Besar besar gaduh buat apa, so I think supressing is a better way than expressing it. Kau nak hidup dengan manusia tu lama lagi. That's what I thought if I feel like exploding. Secondly, about trust and people. Dulu I think, I easily trust people. Sekarang pun ada la lagi sikit. Tapi after several incidents, dh tak nak dah percaya 100% dekat semua orang or reveal abt myself even 40%. Sebab when I'm revealing my true self or cerita problems, that's mean I trust the person. And sekarang ada certain orang je boleh tau problem aku. Dah tak nak dah. TAK NAK! So I jadi lebih jual mahal sekarang haha. Hmm.
Banyak benda berubah daripada dulu. How I talk, how I behave, how I think. Banyak lah and all that thanks to experiences. Betullah orang cakap pengalaman mematangkan kita. And satu lagi, saying yang kata luas permandangan, luas pengetahuan. Since I'll able to travel around the world ni (ceehhh) I do learn a lot. About facts, navigation, transports, and most interesting is I learn about myself. I realised that when I'm alone watching views from trains, planes, cars I think alot. Lagi lagi bila kita tukar tukar partner berjalan. Lagilah I reflect banyak. Sebab we treat people differently according to how they treat us. And one more! Kawan kita dalah cerminan kita! Ni sumpah betul! Sebab, kadang kadang I talked exactly like she did. And I dnt like it. Maybe sebab aku rasa aku nak dia rasa apa yang aku rasa but thats not the best way. Hmm. So bila my friend do something yang I think uncomfortable to me, I sometimes reflected "macam tu ke aku?" Hm. bukan budak budak je tiru apa kita buat. itu pengajaran ya!
Alright. So much already! and this rojak language amboi. K boi!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)