Okwed not okwed lah

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Am amazed on how this picture is the most normal picture for the three of us. Saranghae yorobun. I'll treasure all of our memories forever. Disemai rapi rapi dalam hatiku. Apakah 🙄 

antara cita dan impian (cewahhhhhhhhhhh)

tak jadi aku nak study. nab punya pasal la ni. pergi cerita pasal kisah hidup dia pulak. hahaha. haa! salahkan orang salahkan orang dia yang tak reti nak bahagi masa ish!

since we on the topic of time and shall i add hardwork? so im going to express something here. sekarang sudy week. no study month. and since we have such lots of time and now im fooling around. i dont know where the hardworking girl that i used to be. where the determination that i used to have? tipu kalau kata tak tercabar dengan bee dengan fa dengan nurul lagi lagi dengan minie of course. dengan aida, dengan lily, dengan malisa. hmm masa foundation dulu. at least nak semangat tu. tapi makin lama belajar makin hilang minat, makin hilang fokus dalam kelas. selalu fikir. dah hilang minat dekat pharmacy ke dah hilang minat dekat belajar sebenarnya ni? ingat lagi dulu ada debate from one side to be a housewife and another side be a working wife. and i really opposed minie's idea of being housewife after going through such hardship for four years MPharm degree! lagi lagi she's a genius! but you know now im on her side hahaha. am planning of being a hospital pharmacist for a short period of time until i get married and have my own child then ill quit. after being a housewife for a year or so, i will get back to work but not as a pharmacist but as a chemistry teacher. hahahaha. still i dont to waste my four years studies about all these stuffs that blerghhhhhhhhhhhh (eh tak blergh tak blergh aku je yang blerghh)

we are in the age of keep on thinking about future (marriage mostly -_- gatal!) so seriously when they started to talk or imagining themselves about their self in hospital or in pharmacy or being covered by medicine ( not being sick kayhh being a pro kayhh) i wondered myself. kau nak jadi apa. apa impian kau? apa nak jadi besar nanti? lol tak besar ke sekarang lol. lets reminiscing my dream masa kecik kayhh, emm cashier (hahahahhahaha jadah), cikgu then upgrade to lecturer sebab ibu kata jadilah lecturer dapat banyak sikit duit (huhu), then tukar jadi pediatrician then ayah kata kaklong perempuan kalau jadi doktor nanti busy sangat kesian family. hmm yeah taking that into consideration too. then lastly pursue a dream of becoming pharmacist right now. then again being a teacher hahahaha. (not a lecturer because you need to have a phd to be one, so tak nak belajar lagi, nak mengajar je)  oh ya! a singer! eh tak im mature enough to think about having singing as a professional job (cashier tu mende? hahahaha) but deep inside the passion to sing never die lol. considering about taking a traditional singing class one day. lama dah bersara. cehh macam pro sangat je. baru menang sekali tu pun no dua. bajet *smirk face

dah tak payah bebel panjang pergi baca ectoparasite. esok nak p manchester. kena tidur awal. ha!

emo

hai nak post emo lagi. hahaha.

well, tak pernah ke rasa yang rasa sedih tiba tiba yang kau rasa nak ada orang sebelah kau or palin tak pun ada orang boleh happy kan kau? tapi when you desperately need one, no one there. haha. pathetic habis. well, if i tell someone pun, orang tu pun will like' ha emo emo!' or won't layan pun. sebab like' pfft ain emo la tu biarlah dia kejap lagi elok la tu'

sumpah in need of pantai. sebab those words won't get me better pun. make me worse adalah like im the useless person in the world yang orang lain macam pfft pehal dia ni. well music is my forever chinggu. entah bye!











or maybe i don't even cried for help? but i'm not used to it.

Part of heart

I got huge sensitive part of my heart that is about friends and family. I dont cry for romance movies. I cried for 3 idiots movies, i cried on everything related to friends and family, i supposed. Ive been thinking who are my real friend? Am i a good friend? If i have a huge problem ahead of me, would someone lend her shoulder for me to cry on? Would someone ever noticed that im in troubled? Would someone would lend their hand to help me? And if ive gone forever, would someone pray for may eternity happiness up there forever? Just wondering.

Thank you for being with me all this time. Thank you for making me warm and happy all the time. You guys are the people who i spent my time the most with. Im sorry if i annoyed you, im sorry if i did something wrong in front or behind your back. Truthfully, i cant go on with my life without you guys. Saranghae. Chinca.

Sekian post emo

Depressed

Sorry ni meluahkan perasaan sikit

Kenapa nak kena tanya siapa pergi so on and so forth? Why we need to follow others while we have our own pleasure to be satisfied? Emo i know but i really dont understand. But really girl if you mirrored yourself, you see your reflection exactly the same as theirs. Serious. K they want to do something else then you asked is there anyone joining? Or sorry im not interested. Yeah sure whats wrong with that. Im sorry im just getting emotional sebab lately i think ive no friends to do everthing with. Even i have one, and if i keep pestering them, in one point they'll get so annoyed with me. Im sorry i have nobody but you guys here. I keep whining, i keep spoiled myself to you guys. Im sorry i know im annoying. But.. Nah its okay kenchana. Im good. Im strong. I can stand on my own. Mianne. 

Im good serious. 

teruk

no lah i wont write this post in english or maybe mix, because i do think i'm lacking vocab kalau nak masuk deep deep feelings ni. 

so it's been almost three weeks after i've settled down in UK. and everything is great here. the people, the environment, the school, the weather (huhu), the accomodation, the food! yes, alhamdulillah everything is just fine. except myself. I'm being too comfortable now. Comfort in my own world. The world that I create for fun to make my time fullfilled with fun things. Yes we do need to filled our life with happiness, but I've filled in so much that I've forgotten to fill in the creator of the happiness. The One who allow me to be happy, to be such in comfort. Allah! Allah Rabbana. Teruknya aku. Every end of my prayers, I seldomly recite my prayers. I'm always in a hurry. I don't even know whta i'm rushing into. Ya Allah teruknya aku. If I wanting something so bad, I would pray hard every end of prayers or all the time, but now after I've gotten all my wishes, I've gone mad! seriously. Alhamdulillah Allah waked me up. I don't know how, but I just realized it. I teruk. Luar maybe I looked nice, shy and all. But inside, I'm rotten. My heart swayed too much. Far away from it used to be. 

Alhamdulillah Allah still sedarkan aku from this wildest dream(huhu). Kalau Allah decide takmolah sedarkan dia ni, berapa kali dah kena tegur, buat sekejap je then balik semula berangan dalam dunia sendiri, buat hal sendiri tak peduli aku. Ha! cemana! Siapa nak tolong sedarkan aku kalau bukan Allah? Kalau kau tak ingat dia every single day, and kalau kau buat pun suruhan dia every day tapi you did not put your heart and soul in it, or you don't even mean to do it, or you just filled in your daily routine hmmm apa ceritanya macam tu. But frankly, that's you. every day! you're describing yourself very well. Charesso! Remember, fun is fun but always in your heart is Allah. Do good, feel good, because Allah and Islam is good. Peace. 

bende aku tulis tunggang langgang. chiao!

Nothing

Nothing, just randomly want to write something.

Hmm, I just start to put some stuffs in the bag, and think that the bag is so big, and there's so much space, what else to bring? huhu. Might depart at 16th September. Not feeling anxious nor excited. Just nothing huhu. So yes, this post will be entitle 'Nothing'.

Macam tak layak nak tulis post hari ni. tapi tangan ni gatal nak menaip. huhu.

So maybe, I just want to describe my friends in here. Sangat random huhu sangat.

(No orders, maybe one who pass through my head would be the orders.)

Johan : Congratulations sis! You're the first one! Maybe sebab baru baca your gf's tweet about you. kekeke sangat! Hmm he's the only guy I can randomly talk about things yang irrelevant yang out of mind. Usually I always talk those things with girls, but he just to 'comfortable' to talk about everything. And we always diss each other. Kuat menganjing dia ni. And thank you for comforting me and thank you too for always share your problem with me. And thank you again for not segan saying rindu and all. hahaha. You're the first kot who said that merely as a guy friend!

Fa : Well, I can't missed her of course. kekeke. She's the one who teaching me weird slang (which does not exist, she's the creator, how awesome is that!), she's the one who makes me involved with Kpop kekeke, I don't blame you 100% but you ignite the spark huhu. And she's the only one who hafal all my crushes and who crushed on me. My bed partner, my secret partner. So when someone is pouring out their secrets to me, I would "I know yours, you should know mine too". camtu ha prinsip dia. But all of them, safe with her. Very health-concious and very charming with her own style. Met her for the very first time at parking lots on the first day of Foundation in Nottingham Semenyih. Never thought that she would be my bestfriend. (Well, I consider her as one)

Bee : A very small secretive girl. Never knew a single secret from her. So her principle is just "I hate throwbacks, just look forward" Kemain kau! But she's very diligent when she's doing something. Very detailed. Even selalu marah marah pun, ikut jugak cakap orang. kekeke. So sorry that you've been roommate with two kaklongs who ordering someone else is their nature. huhu. I like to squeeze into her space (bed, table, chair, phone, ipad, wtv) because I just like it, I feel like hmm she's small, I can fit. kekeke. saja nak manja. trolols.

Kirin : She's my emotional partner. We can't help but being emotional 24 hours. Very unstable mood. So when I'm in the mood of  'Kirin', I would cry or I would imagining things, berangan sampai nak rak, travel all around the world, getting pretty, all pretty things. hahaha. Because she's pretty yet she said she's not confident in her looks. Well, all pretty girls said that (not me, I'm not confident, but seriously I am not pretty). First time went to Sephora, and shocked at how she's donning herself in the shop. Hahaha. I can't barely touch the make up. haha. And yes, Her face is my canvas. hihi.

Eza : This gemok. Looks though but yet very soft inside. Softer than me. kahkah. I might be the opposite. Looks soft (lulz) but though inside (lah sangat). Very concerned about each and every single of her friends. A hot-blooded young lady, able to voice out anything she wanted to, very down to earth. willing to sacrifice things for her beloved one. She is a great friend. Shockingly, she is not my classmate nor my roommate. We getting know each other in a school camp. We've been so close. I'm not a very friendly person, so I just have a 'countable' friends. She's the one who connect me to my other school friends. Kalau tak I awkward macam batu.

Irfaan : Another friend from nowhere yang always ask me how am I doing. Dah la datang time memang when I need someone to talk to. Huhu. Thank you for being a good advisor, a good friend when in need. Sorry for all those random questions hahaha. And there's one time he was in the peak of problems, he just I don't know it's though. But he can survived it. I may not give the best advice to him, but hope it helps. Hahaha, Thank you for remembering my birthday! I get confused yours with Hari Malaysia's huhu. But go September babies! You rock!

These six, Thank you for being always on top of my whatsapp list. Personal whatsapp lah. Not group. Hope that you guys would always there for me. And yes, I'm always available for you guys too. XOXO. From me.