Hello,
I am now 27. And in few yas it will be 2022 and I will be 28. Who knows we'll come this far. And just be fine, or I might say we 're still teh same Ain. hahaha. Frankly speaking, Ain has gotten mature with her thoughts and feelings. I'm proud of that. So shall we talked about how mature are we now? Or if your're reading this in future, this current Ain might not be mature at all pun hahaha but who cares, we're making progress here. So I'm going to embrace it here as memories :)
First of all, our feelings. Back in school days, I'm a crybaby. An awful crybaby who cries at everything that doesn't goes well in her own plan. She's super kiasu. She almost never accept defeat in her life.
Highschool
But as she went to high school, she slowly accepted that she is just an average human bein. There are so much pretty, intelligent, gifted human being in this world. She just hardworking. And she grateful for that. An still cries over grades. The kiasu is still there and that kiasu is what brings the current Ain here now. Thanks for your stubbornes we survived in this world. She had crush on several guys in high school but never mention it to anyone. even to her best friend. So no one knows what's her true feelings. BUt if she feel frustated about not winning, yeah she'll cry. back to this crush thingy, yeap she hid in deep inside cause she don't want this romantic feelings get in her way of being successful. I've mentioned she had several crush on some guys in highschool right? But did I mentioned, she's quite cute back then so she had numbers of guys crushing on her as well hahaha. And one of them, managed to get her heart but she hid it so well at one point their friends wondering if she really dislike the guy? Cause she rejected him a few times. And the last time the guy confessed to her, and she still didn't show her true feelings, the guy gave up and had crush on another girl. And then she had her first proper heart break. And as stubborn as she is, she shed one drop of tear and went to sleep. I don't know whether that is her being strong or being stubborn. i'm confuse.
University
Then moving on to university life, she still having this crush on her highschool friend who started to ignore her when they moved highschool. She tried having several crushes to seniors and colleague but this highschool guy personality make she fall hard for him. as mentioned, this highschool is ignoring her right? Yup to the point he blocking her in Instagram acc. yup, still crushing. I still didn't know how she managed to kept crushing on this guy, but maybe because she haven't founda guy that seems so nice to his family and to his friends. The good personality of him is something she didn't managed to find anywehere else. And of course she get some news about him, through her best friend who again didn't know she had feelings for this guy. And to add more fuel to this fire, her bestfriend kept matchmaking Ain and this highschool guy without this bestfriend know that freaking ain is crushing hard. hahah. And of course she had somebody crushed on her as well, but not a many as she recieved during highschoo. Bet she getting more ugly after those years hahaha. But yup she cold. And afraid of what people will say, since the crush is a way senior than her. so during uni dyas, she only had this 'crush tepi jalan'. And her oppas. She head over heels over Mino Winner and some other actors hahahah.
Working
so you thought the highschool guy in uni is over? nope. hahaha. but so, she knew this not going to work in the future, she had clousre by confessing to him. and of course get rejected. and she is totally okay. Only at that moment, she had severa months process of moving on, but it's easier since he already blocked her at instagram so she doesn't have to suffer that much. hmmm. her colleageu once have a crush on her, but yup he way older than she is and way more senior. ths guy is obviously giving hints and other colleagues noticed it as well. but i chose not to because of his personality of keep whining of every single things. urgh i get that you're the only child in your family but shouldn't you act like an adult here at your workplac. and to make it worse, when i went back from a long holiday, my face breakout teruk, then he mocked me continously. excuse me, that's my most insecure area for you to mess around with, so i get angry and smacked him at the back. thank god, i'm going to transfer to diff worplace in few days so i didn't have to face him everyday. gosh he's the cause of my insecurity getting worst now. I can't.
Life after half century
covid strikes. and the only people i met this past two years are colleagues and patients. no one caught my attention haha. so crush count is almost nil. but i'm on instagram all the time, so i noticed this one guy from highschool that i never noticed before. he had similar personality of previous crush and work as an egineer at a good workplace. as you noticed, i've started getting bold since the confession. so here i'm going bold as well. i dm'ed him and start to ask questions. and he kindly reply me. mostly about his cats. omo so cute!!! but what i observed was, i'm the only one who asking questions. He didn't even care about my life. so i figured it out. there's no point of having feelings and to proceed with that feeling if the other party is not interested on you at all. so i uncrushed him. i succeed. and months later, he had a girlfriend. luckily i've uncrshed him first. or else, i'll break my heart again haha. But several guy approached me through friends and family, but i didn't feel like to play with feelings at the moment. and of course because the recommendations (?) are not a match with me. they're ustaz or something. like hello im wild as heck kot???
the world is changing, most of people are single now due to covid (ye ke?) so dating apps are not a taboo anymore. among people our age lah. sebab maybe for our parents that was not a good idea. padahal they're doing the same things, match making their daughters and sons through mutuals. huhu. so that being said, I've downloaded bumble. downloaded once for few days, match with someone and talked to him for few dyas and then felt not right and deleted it right away. Then re-downloaded it after several months. maybe because my colleague kept talkng about how she met various of people through tinder, so i was swooned by that. like why not we try this again for fun. since i hae no intention of getting serious with anyone for now. so i'm being more bold. i said hi to al people who matched with me. and now i'm in a talking phase with this one guy. he made me so comfortable during this talking phase. it felt like we've known each other for long, and we just catching up with each other lifes. so i decided to delete bumble and informed him to contact me through insta if he wants to. and he did. and now it's been about three weeks. and we chat non stop. i mean, we replied wach other late, which i like causei got my own life too but the conversation kept going. since he stays in melaka and next week, i'm heading back to melaka for long holiday i wanted to know if he's going to ask me out during my stay in melaka. cause if he did, and still comfortable with each other, then i think i shoul think about this seriously. and need to know that if he also think about this seriously. cause girl and boy, i got no time to waste!
but frakly speaking, i'm getting attached to this guy. so i'm afraid. but i think i kept showing my true feelings as i dropped hints or whatsover. so like, i don't know who the heck ain who hides her feeling anymore? hahaha. hopefully it goes well with this guy. so i can stop searching. hihi.
so that's all how ain becoming bold with her feelings over years. i don't know if being this bold would result in any good results but being invisible is so much worst from my prviosu experience. so yeah we'll see. love you ain.
Friday, 17 December 2021
2020
Hi, it's been almost two years of not blogging here. But no worries I sort my thoughts and feelings well (?) through phycical journal I bought last two years. So before I talked about what's in my head right now, I'll just want to update you what I've been doing these past years of no news in here. hehehe.
2020
Jan 2020
fa alluring me to Winner Concert like oh my god the ticket price so expensive but since i dont't know when will i meet them cehhh, so i joined lots and lots of competitions to win teh ticket but not with my luck lah kan. Fa already bought her tickets at the very frot row on the left row. Since i didnt win, i bought one but at most far back huhu. But a t the venue, someone wanted to sold her front row ticket where fa located! so i bought that and sold my ticket to nadiah! hahah. scream like crazy and it felt so urghhh lve it. might be last concert though. had so much fun.
Feb 2020
joined Imaret charity clinic with no one. yes you read it right, i didn't have any companion to go to this event. hahaha. tapi i gain priceless experience and it was in kl! hahaha gigih datang. also since ainul going to move to johor for her permanent posting soon, we decided among ourselves, the frp, to go for a short trip in penang!
Mar 2020
Covid hits! Movement control order takes place. Wear masks at all times, sanitize everything, road has been emptied, all worker work from home but not me. yeah a lot have changed.
April 2020
Ayah bring his sayur business at home. so we set up a mini market at our car porch and deliver all the orders to customers. frankly speaking i did not like the idea of doing business with family. we fight a lot. but we spend so much time a lot as well. well, blood is thicker than water. who else gonna help my father if not us, his darah daging. cause we love each other thats why.
May 2020
our first raya at home. felt homey, make rendang and all but it only last a few hours cause then i'll be doing laundry at laundry shop. that was my version of ziarah raya. cried when uwan didn't allow to go bak to kampung when angah went back for picking up vegetables and what not. but yeah it's for our safety. and i start wearing contact lens during this month as well heheheh
June 2020
ainul and anis last day in KKAK. and get my tooth extracted. sakit :( ohh and we managed to gather with our family for doa selamat since the mco has been lifted for a while.
July 2020
went to pulau perhentian with kirin, bee and shasha. kinda last minute trip but i've wanted to go to pulau since forever. and of course while the mco been lifted we went and have fun there. also our result for permanent post was out and i didnt get any email for extend contract so imight get the chanceof being permanent. fuhh.
August 2020
able to celebrate raya haji at kampung but ofcourse with cautions. also my last day at KKAk since i've been transferred to KKBatu Berendam, a new KK. quite fun setting up a new place and learn all the basics. but only be able to work there for a month plus since i've received the permanent placement in Johor.And bought this ipad as a gift for myself hiks
September 2020
my last day at KKBB and it's time for a new adventure. I've been placed at a hospital! yes, scary. and yeah is kota tinggi, a place i've never heard before. and yes its at the end of peninsular malaysia. and yes its far far far away from home. but luckily, bee is placed here too. huhuh or else i might be homesick as hell. well i did though. also, since i moved to far place my parents persuade me to buy a car. so Honda jazz hello my pwetty 3.0. hope we're getting along well hehehhe.
October 2020
adapting myself in hospital. need to go for numbers of kursus and training. fuhh hospital life.
November 2020
mco strikes again, covid cases hit high, unable to go home. ward getting filled with covid patients. colleague getting infected. omg it feels like a zombie movie where you needto be careful with everyone and everything huhuhuhu.
December 2020
have started a hobby of doing journal stickers and since im journaling and cant go back home, im thinking of selling them eheheheheh. and also angah ahs been diagnosed with juvinile glaucoma
yeah stay tuned for 2021.
2020
Jan 2020
fa alluring me to Winner Concert like oh my god the ticket price so expensive but since i dont't know when will i meet them cehhh, so i joined lots and lots of competitions to win teh ticket but not with my luck lah kan. Fa already bought her tickets at the very frot row on the left row. Since i didnt win, i bought one but at most far back huhu. But a t the venue, someone wanted to sold her front row ticket where fa located! so i bought that and sold my ticket to nadiah! hahah. scream like crazy and it felt so urghhh lve it. might be last concert though. had so much fun.
Feb 2020
joined Imaret charity clinic with no one. yes you read it right, i didn't have any companion to go to this event. hahaha. tapi i gain priceless experience and it was in kl! hahaha gigih datang. also since ainul going to move to johor for her permanent posting soon, we decided among ourselves, the frp, to go for a short trip in penang!
Mar 2020
Covid hits! Movement control order takes place. Wear masks at all times, sanitize everything, road has been emptied, all worker work from home but not me. yeah a lot have changed.
April 2020
Ayah bring his sayur business at home. so we set up a mini market at our car porch and deliver all the orders to customers. frankly speaking i did not like the idea of doing business with family. we fight a lot. but we spend so much time a lot as well. well, blood is thicker than water. who else gonna help my father if not us, his darah daging. cause we love each other thats why.
May 2020
our first raya at home. felt homey, make rendang and all but it only last a few hours cause then i'll be doing laundry at laundry shop. that was my version of ziarah raya. cried when uwan didn't allow to go bak to kampung when angah went back for picking up vegetables and what not. but yeah it's for our safety. and i start wearing contact lens during this month as well heheheh
June 2020
ainul and anis last day in KKAK. and get my tooth extracted. sakit :( ohh and we managed to gather with our family for doa selamat since the mco has been lifted for a while.
July 2020
went to pulau perhentian with kirin, bee and shasha. kinda last minute trip but i've wanted to go to pulau since forever. and of course while the mco been lifted we went and have fun there. also our result for permanent post was out and i didnt get any email for extend contract so imight get the chanceof being permanent. fuhh.
August 2020
able to celebrate raya haji at kampung but ofcourse with cautions. also my last day at KKAk since i've been transferred to KKBatu Berendam, a new KK. quite fun setting up a new place and learn all the basics. but only be able to work there for a month plus since i've received the permanent placement in Johor.And bought this ipad as a gift for myself hiks
September 2020
my last day at KKBB and it's time for a new adventure. I've been placed at a hospital! yes, scary. and yeah is kota tinggi, a place i've never heard before. and yes its at the end of peninsular malaysia. and yes its far far far away from home. but luckily, bee is placed here too. huhuh or else i might be homesick as hell. well i did though. also, since i moved to far place my parents persuade me to buy a car. so Honda jazz hello my pwetty 3.0. hope we're getting along well hehehhe.
October 2020
adapting myself in hospital. need to go for numbers of kursus and training. fuhh hospital life.
November 2020
mco strikes again, covid cases hit high, unable to go home. ward getting filled with covid patients. colleague getting infected. omg it feels like a zombie movie where you needto be careful with everyone and everything huhuhuhu.
December 2020
have started a hobby of doing journal stickers and since im journaling and cant go back home, im thinking of selling them eheheheheh. and also angah ahs been diagnosed with juvinile glaucoma
yeah stay tuned for 2021.
Tuesday, 31 December 2019
hello
Hi!
It's been a year! I've been venting my emotions to Fa mostly in 2019, and my other written diaries (yeah you read it right. I have no idea why i have several diaries in a year hmm) Oh let me list out what I've been doing this past year since tomorrow will be a new year 2020. uuuu
Jan 2019: Hospital attachment
- scared as hell when they said ipd sat 5 is the scariest place for prp. but well, alhamdulillah i adjusted well thanks to my fellow prp friends
Feb 2019: Clinical attachment
- went to MAPS (a theme park in Perak) for free. Tickets were given by Ayah Anjang.
- as i arrived there, i got a text from clinical pharmacist (rumor said she's nice, so i'm relieved to get her as my preceptor) said that i/m not in her ward for the next four weeks. WTH. then which ward I'll be assigned to? En Fakar's (clinical ward) and Miss Pei Xing's (geriatric ward). Informed Kok Hou abt the news, guess what he scared me the most, he said miss pei xing is the one all prp wanted to avoid the most. I cried.
- En fakar's ward attachment went smooth because he let me do my own work and did not ask me questions unless i asked him first. But miss pei xing's ward was the opposite. she asked me tons of questions. freaking scary. but i learned a lot from her. she's nice walaupun ada lah kena marah sekali dua lolz.
Mar 2019: Back to IPD and galenical attachment
- i've gain experiences during the past months and i've been acknowledge by the garang PFs there. huhuhu such an accomplishment
- an ex TGB guy tried to ask me to watch movie together padahal he's in KL and i'm at Melaka. well i know that was a move. But I just act clueless. gittew. I've opened up a bit, I get to know him first but as I know him more, he's the one who always said bad words and tweet explicit things. a big no no. and rejected his offer to watch movie.
Apr 2019: went back to KKAK
- after so long i've went back to my original facility, but then miss shiyu asked which one better? hosp or clinic? frankly the people are nicer in hosp, but the workload and environment i'll just say no thanks. i'd enough. tiber. but in clinic, the workload and environment is better but the people, making things harder. huhu. and she agreed hhaha.
- went to aifaa's fashion show. oh girl you really make us proud back then. so inlove with you again and again
May 2019: Puasa
- can't recall anything memorable. but it's when family mart finally open in Melaka, so after break fasting we went to Jonker walk to taste the udon the hyped about. i'm a first timer. My goodness, I know it's the grand opening but chinese peopleeeeeeee you guys don't even fast... why are you lining up as well. the line was freaking long haih. we went back after midnight i think. uhuhu
June 2019: Raya
- i tried wearing contact lens. oh my it was a hell ride. hurt my eyes so bad. so i just wore them during first raya hahaha. Thanks to them i look pretty decent in photos cehh. hahaha. It was a fun raya to be honest. we have addition of two ipars and we raya harmoniously gittew.
- oh not to forget i worked the second raya guys. I worked. but half day only lah. miss hiyu insit. i love her. hahaha
- when hakim wore cast on his arm because we went raya until midnight and accident near jpj bukit katil. his wrist twisted and till now it wasn't in the normal position.
- went to penang for mira armir's wedding tapi the real reason is to hilday and visit fatin!i went there with aifaa and nadiah and we have tremendous fun. and can you imagine, we were tired sightseeing in the morning, then we decided to watchtoy story 4 later at midnight, and guess what four of us fell asleep during the movie. each one of us awake at certain parts of movie then explained to each other the plot hahaha. but nadiah slept very soundly from the adv before the movie until the credits roll. haihh haha
July 2019: logbook
- the month that i anxious about cause the next month i need to send logbook already.
- lukman belanja us frps and im the only prp at the time, tony romas. maigod he gave us rm1000 to eat guys! and he expected us to finish the money and he schocked that we pulang the baki to him! Ya Allah it was a very fancy place to eat. But less to my liking even it serves only meat the food i love most but it was just too fancy, i cannot. ahhahaha. but alhamdulillah for the lifetuime experience.
-rachel got posted to sabah :( but the fun syaf get to stay with us hehehe
Aug 2019: FRP ehem
- i've got my license already!
- raya haji. then we went to a hotel in seremban which located at awalking distance form aeon seremban. enjoyed 'walking" haha
Sept 2019: Birthday month
- joined X break. maigod we have to practice almost everyday and i was criticized for being to stiff despite being the youngest in the group? I just don't want to join. I was forced to do so :( but the good side i get to know more of KKak staff's
- pharmrun in banda hilir. It was good to see familiar faces from hospital during the run. eventhough i just the lines man hehehehehe
- got birthday cake from my family. awhhh, after so many years we don't properly celebrate any birthday events this year was just ahh full of blessings. maybe we all stay in one roof after so many years living apart form each other.
Oct 2019: Korea
- I was persuaded by these fav bunch of people to go holiday to korea with them. hesitated at first but i was not regret of my decision. love love love the trip so much, we got to do so many things. cheers to them for revisiting some places they've visited before just to show me part of korea that i have to experience <3 p="">- was able to join random gangnam concert festival and get to see latest korean kpop idols hehehehehehehehehehehe padahal duduk jauh nun di belakang but we've enjoy every little bits
Nov 2019: Rejected
- i spent a night at eza's rental house in cyberjaya. so excited in case dapat terserempak dengan crush since he stay there as well.
- the next day met up with lace street girls. ohmai nak catch up gossip haihhh tak cukup masa. Nadiah and shasha finally got someone special in their life. me and minie being the diva just loved ourselves a bit too much cehh. tipu sangat. then later in the gossip i was told to end my crush already cause it has been so long and maybe that was why im unable to find someone. alasan kan.
- so that night, i confessed to my crush and.............. as mentioned, i got rejected. but he replied my name withe correct spelling which rage me more! and guess what's his partener name? farhana???? hello find other name please!
Dec 2019: Family day
- it was a stressful event to plan everythings out with banyak kepala. but alhamdulillah it turns out evry well,. uwan atuk the makciks and pakciks seems very happy for how the family day turned out :')
- fell in love in brush lettering and started to learn and have a book to scribble some quotes. also in love with bullet journal. so also made one starting dec and insyaallah need to commit this journal until the end of 2020. hehehe.
so next year goal
- to step out of my comfort zone
- to be more fun and adventurous
- to visit more countries with family and friends
- to finally meet that special someone
okay sekian angan angan
It's been a year! I've been venting my emotions to Fa mostly in 2019, and my other written diaries (yeah you read it right. I have no idea why i have several diaries in a year hmm) Oh let me list out what I've been doing this past year since tomorrow will be a new year 2020. uuuu
Jan 2019: Hospital attachment
- scared as hell when they said ipd sat 5 is the scariest place for prp. but well, alhamdulillah i adjusted well thanks to my fellow prp friends
Feb 2019: Clinical attachment
- went to MAPS (a theme park in Perak) for free. Tickets were given by Ayah Anjang.
- as i arrived there, i got a text from clinical pharmacist (rumor said she's nice, so i'm relieved to get her as my preceptor) said that i/m not in her ward for the next four weeks. WTH. then which ward I'll be assigned to? En Fakar's (clinical ward) and Miss Pei Xing's (geriatric ward). Informed Kok Hou abt the news, guess what he scared me the most, he said miss pei xing is the one all prp wanted to avoid the most. I cried.
- En fakar's ward attachment went smooth because he let me do my own work and did not ask me questions unless i asked him first. But miss pei xing's ward was the opposite. she asked me tons of questions. freaking scary. but i learned a lot from her. she's nice walaupun ada lah kena marah sekali dua lolz.
Mar 2019: Back to IPD and galenical attachment
- i've gain experiences during the past months and i've been acknowledge by the garang PFs there. huhuhu such an accomplishment
- an ex TGB guy tried to ask me to watch movie together padahal he's in KL and i'm at Melaka. well i know that was a move. But I just act clueless. gittew. I've opened up a bit, I get to know him first but as I know him more, he's the one who always said bad words and tweet explicit things. a big no no. and rejected his offer to watch movie.
Apr 2019: went back to KKAK
- after so long i've went back to my original facility, but then miss shiyu asked which one better? hosp or clinic? frankly the people are nicer in hosp, but the workload and environment i'll just say no thanks. i'd enough. tiber. but in clinic, the workload and environment is better but the people, making things harder. huhu. and she agreed hhaha.
- went to aifaa's fashion show. oh girl you really make us proud back then. so inlove with you again and again
May 2019: Puasa
- can't recall anything memorable. but it's when family mart finally open in Melaka, so after break fasting we went to Jonker walk to taste the udon the hyped about. i'm a first timer. My goodness, I know it's the grand opening but chinese peopleeeeeeee you guys don't even fast... why are you lining up as well. the line was freaking long haih. we went back after midnight i think. uhuhu
June 2019: Raya
- i tried wearing contact lens. oh my it was a hell ride. hurt my eyes so bad. so i just wore them during first raya hahaha. Thanks to them i look pretty decent in photos cehh. hahaha. It was a fun raya to be honest. we have addition of two ipars and we raya harmoniously gittew.
- oh not to forget i worked the second raya guys. I worked. but half day only lah. miss hiyu insit. i love her. hahaha
- when hakim wore cast on his arm because we went raya until midnight and accident near jpj bukit katil. his wrist twisted and till now it wasn't in the normal position.
- went to penang for mira armir's wedding tapi the real reason is to hilday and visit fatin!i went there with aifaa and nadiah and we have tremendous fun. and can you imagine, we were tired sightseeing in the morning, then we decided to watchtoy story 4 later at midnight, and guess what four of us fell asleep during the movie. each one of us awake at certain parts of movie then explained to each other the plot hahaha. but nadiah slept very soundly from the adv before the movie until the credits roll. haihh haha
July 2019: logbook
- the month that i anxious about cause the next month i need to send logbook already.
- lukman belanja us frps and im the only prp at the time, tony romas. maigod he gave us rm1000 to eat guys! and he expected us to finish the money and he schocked that we pulang the baki to him! Ya Allah it was a very fancy place to eat. But less to my liking even it serves only meat the food i love most but it was just too fancy, i cannot. ahhahaha. but alhamdulillah for the lifetuime experience.
-rachel got posted to sabah :( but the fun syaf get to stay with us hehehe
Aug 2019: FRP ehem
- i've got my license already!
- raya haji. then we went to a hotel in seremban which located at awalking distance form aeon seremban. enjoyed 'walking" haha
Sept 2019: Birthday month
- joined X break. maigod we have to practice almost everyday and i was criticized for being to stiff despite being the youngest in the group? I just don't want to join. I was forced to do so :( but the good side i get to know more of KKak staff's
- pharmrun in banda hilir. It was good to see familiar faces from hospital during the run. eventhough i just the lines man hehehehehe
- got birthday cake from my family. awhhh, after so many years we don't properly celebrate any birthday events this year was just ahh full of blessings. maybe we all stay in one roof after so many years living apart form each other.
Oct 2019: Korea
- I was persuaded by these fav bunch of people to go holiday to korea with them. hesitated at first but i was not regret of my decision. love love love the trip so much, we got to do so many things. cheers to them for revisiting some places they've visited before just to show me part of korea that i have to experience <3 p="">- was able to join random gangnam concert festival and get to see latest korean kpop idols hehehehehehehehehehehe padahal duduk jauh nun di belakang but we've enjoy every little bits
Nov 2019: Rejected
- i spent a night at eza's rental house in cyberjaya. so excited in case dapat terserempak dengan crush since he stay there as well.
- the next day met up with lace street girls. ohmai nak catch up gossip haihhh tak cukup masa. Nadiah and shasha finally got someone special in their life. me and minie being the diva just loved ourselves a bit too much cehh. tipu sangat. then later in the gossip i was told to end my crush already cause it has been so long and maybe that was why im unable to find someone. alasan kan.
- so that night, i confessed to my crush and.............. as mentioned, i got rejected. but he replied my name withe correct spelling which rage me more! and guess what's his partener name? farhana???? hello find other name please!
Dec 2019: Family day
- it was a stressful event to plan everythings out with banyak kepala. but alhamdulillah it turns out evry well,. uwan atuk the makciks and pakciks seems very happy for how the family day turned out :')
- fell in love in brush lettering and started to learn and have a book to scribble some quotes. also in love with bullet journal. so also made one starting dec and insyaallah need to commit this journal until the end of 2020. hehehe.
so next year goal
- to step out of my comfort zone
- to be more fun and adventurous
- to visit more countries with family and friends
- to finally meet that special someone
okay sekian angan angan
video uploaded in youtube hehehe
the day me and fa ate ... hmm ya Allah forgive us please
one of my fav boomerang
cam tiber but bye hahaha
Saturday, 29 September 2018
sense of belonging
i didn't want to whine so much. but i did. hahahha
so today i just feel down. i don't know exactly why. so today actually is the pharmrun day. my first time participating in a run, and my first time socializing with other pharmacy worker in melaka. and how it goes? its good! i run for 2 and half km and walk for the rest of the 'run' hahaha. ainul went ahead left me behind. but i feel just relax, power walking through palm trees. hiks. haven't been in nature for a long time.
so far so good. but then back at home, i read a post about an HO quitting because of toxic environment in her workplace. it is indeed toxic, thus it bring my mood down as well. and I suddenly thought that i'm alone in this battlefield. Ainul, Anis and Farhana has their own friends here in Melaka. but i have no one i expected to meet during the run. or maybe i expect to find jodoh there. duhh hahaha but ofc nope there wasnt jodoh there.
and to make the wound more painful, these hospital's prp in prp seoul discussed about how to send info into skt hrmis. and i like, what's that gurllll? It's like adding salt to this fresh wound i create myself. huhuhu. i feel like i didn't feel any sense of belonging here in my work area. but then my friends in other places at least has each other. physically. i really wanted to be close to my notts friends. why am I so far away from everybody :( im not stghong!!!
Okay Ain, it just 2 months since your started working. youll be fine. like you did in Allday. You'll make some close friends. just be nice to everyone, and theyll be nice to you. love you ain. be strong. dont let these little things bother you. you're significant in this world.
so today i just feel down. i don't know exactly why. so today actually is the pharmrun day. my first time participating in a run, and my first time socializing with other pharmacy worker in melaka. and how it goes? its good! i run for 2 and half km and walk for the rest of the 'run' hahaha. ainul went ahead left me behind. but i feel just relax, power walking through palm trees. hiks. haven't been in nature for a long time.
so far so good. but then back at home, i read a post about an HO quitting because of toxic environment in her workplace. it is indeed toxic, thus it bring my mood down as well. and I suddenly thought that i'm alone in this battlefield. Ainul, Anis and Farhana has their own friends here in Melaka. but i have no one i expected to meet during the run. or maybe i expect to find jodoh there. duhh hahaha but ofc nope there wasnt jodoh there.
and to make the wound more painful, these hospital's prp in prp seoul discussed about how to send info into skt hrmis. and i like, what's that gurllll? It's like adding salt to this fresh wound i create myself. huhuhu. i feel like i didn't feel any sense of belonging here in my work area. but then my friends in other places at least has each other. physically. i really wanted to be close to my notts friends. why am I so far away from everybody :( im not stghong!!!
Okay Ain, it just 2 months since your started working. youll be fine. like you did in Allday. You'll make some close friends. just be nice to everyone, and theyll be nice to you. love you ain. be strong. dont let these little things bother you. you're significant in this world.
Tuesday, 18 September 2018
Adulthood
Hi the more adult ain! You okay now? Are you struggle with the unfairness of workloads again? No? Guess youre okay now then. Whether you're fine with the load or life is just getting fairer now. So let's start with how i get a job. Hiks. Alhamdulillah 17.7.18, I've choosen a place very near to my house as my workplace for 2+ years! Its been complicated between KK Ayer Keroh and Hospital Tampin. But home it is! Then early august I've reported duty there and it's been two months now working there. Just to say for these two months i indeed learnt a lot and work a lot 😅 maybe beacuse i'm new or i'm the youngest, they really do make me do alot of work. Still bearable. Thanks to frps that helped me alot.
However, if i'm comparing myaelf to my friends whom in hospital right now, i would be nothing. Of course. And yes, because i'm comparing, i'm a little bit depressed and anxious of everything. Like gosh they know alot now, like gosh they have a tons lot of patients compare to KK but i complained a lot. So i rather be quiet. Only talked when people talked. I've became the ain when she was in mock pharmacy in her final year. She did nothing but silence. Did her work in silence, not to disturb others, not bothering them. No. But maybe better than before because she's much more confident now.
Here. The words of comfort i meant for someone else, comfort me a lot more. Allah gave these for me, through me, initiate by a friend. Alhamdulillah eventhough in these unhealthy environment i work with, im blessed with frps who are willing to help me, to back me up when im wronged, to show me the correct way to do things, to not laugh at me when im making mistakes, to have a lunch with me everytime, everyday and talked about how we gonna improved these unhealthy work environment we're in. Thank you Allah for these people. Thank you Allah for placing me in Ayer Keroh so i can see my parents everyday, my grandparents every week, my cats my precious every single dag. Alhamdulillah.
Friday, 18 May 2018
ramadhan
ramadhan mubarak everyone!!
so today is the second ramadhan of the year and i spent the day with workig in the pharmacy and break fasting once in pharmacy and once at home. fair enough. both experiences are the best! hiks. so today is my first terawikh for the month at the surau. speaking of which, this reminds me of last ramadhan we spent in nottingham. i loved our ramadhan back then. we break fasting together as housemates and prayed terawikh and tadarrus together afterwards. Usually we break fast at 9pm so all the sessions will be ended at midnight. so the tadarrus was reallyyyyy a sleepy tadarrus. hahha. we did all this in amini's room because hers are the largest among all. i miss. huhu. i miss them. i miss the coldness where we need to share amini's duvet while tadarrus. i miss the vibe.
weirdly if i need to recall when we're break fasting, the last two years' ramadhan where fa, bee and myself breakfasting at their house. maybe that was the first ramadhan i spent in overseas, fa away from family. everyone were back in Malaysia back then, left us three pretending to be strong enough (actually kedekut tak nak spend duit untuk tiket flight duhh) to spend the whole ramadhan and celebrating eid fitri there. But unfortunately, after coming back from turkey, bee's attempt to went back to Malaysia made all of us went back to Malaysia for eid. So we spent our Ramadhan together. At first, it was sooooooo boring. We didn't do anything. So i go back and forth to 41 lace st and 13 claude st. I ironed all my clothes, cleaned up 41 lace st, make some scrap book, watch pretty liars and many more but still there will be some time before break fast. Being so bored we started cooking at 5 pm like we usually did in Malaysia, but still have 4 hours before maghrib huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. so we cooked slowly and enjoyed trying amking dishes and kuih muih. So that's what memorable to me. I loved it. I miss us three. I miss shakirin as well. I miss dayang nurjeboniss. hiks.
hope this ramadhan is filled with blessings and love form Allah. My our deeds will be accepted and may only goods will come to us now and onwards. again, salam ramadhan everyone!
so today is the second ramadhan of the year and i spent the day with workig in the pharmacy and break fasting once in pharmacy and once at home. fair enough. both experiences are the best! hiks. so today is my first terawikh for the month at the surau. speaking of which, this reminds me of last ramadhan we spent in nottingham. i loved our ramadhan back then. we break fasting together as housemates and prayed terawikh and tadarrus together afterwards. Usually we break fast at 9pm so all the sessions will be ended at midnight. so the tadarrus was reallyyyyy a sleepy tadarrus. hahha. we did all this in amini's room because hers are the largest among all. i miss. huhu. i miss them. i miss the coldness where we need to share amini's duvet while tadarrus. i miss the vibe.
weirdly if i need to recall when we're break fasting, the last two years' ramadhan where fa, bee and myself breakfasting at their house. maybe that was the first ramadhan i spent in overseas, fa away from family. everyone were back in Malaysia back then, left us three pretending to be strong enough (actually kedekut tak nak spend duit untuk tiket flight duhh) to spend the whole ramadhan and celebrating eid fitri there. But unfortunately, after coming back from turkey, bee's attempt to went back to Malaysia made all of us went back to Malaysia for eid. So we spent our Ramadhan together. At first, it was sooooooo boring. We didn't do anything. So i go back and forth to 41 lace st and 13 claude st. I ironed all my clothes, cleaned up 41 lace st, make some scrap book, watch pretty liars and many more but still there will be some time before break fast. Being so bored we started cooking at 5 pm like we usually did in Malaysia, but still have 4 hours before maghrib huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu. so we cooked slowly and enjoyed trying amking dishes and kuih muih. So that's what memorable to me. I loved it. I miss us three. I miss shakirin as well. I miss dayang nurjeboniss. hiks.
hope this ramadhan is filled with blessings and love form Allah. My our deeds will be accepted and may only goods will come to us now and onwards. again, salam ramadhan everyone!
Monday, 12 March 2018
husnozon!
just to clarify this is to remind myself for not being the bad one.
so ive been working as sales assistant in allday pharmacy for half a year already. what an accomplishment! everything is great except the habit of the girl who always badmouthing this one guy. not that im on that guy side, i dont really like his personality as well but i think you guys are filled so much hate towards him already huhu. so now each and everything he did, these girls will find faults in him.
ingat ain. people in this world is reallly reallyyy filled with different personalities. you need to be more understanding and be more flexible. at the same time you need to be more contained with your stand. try imagined yourself in their shoes. you might find the reason why they behave in that way. think before you act. watch your mouth watch your actions. be husnozon (sangka baik). and the most important is sabr.
challenge will come to you when you most needed it. be it about coworkers, workload, family, money or anything. Allah set these challenges perfectly bearable for you to handle. just go with the flow. fight with strong faith that Allah will guide you through. these will make you stronger and be a better person in the future ain. They will. Allah will. You will. InsyaAllah.
'and for your Lord, be patience' (74:7)
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